I did it and it wasn’t so bad. I was invited to do pulpit supply preaching at a nearby congregation on Valentine’s Day. I agreed to do it. I was feeling like I should get out there and test it out; and honestly an honorarium didn’t hurt either.
I did feel a bit shy and rusty, and my sermon wasn’t the best one I’ve ever given, but I did it.
It went fine. The congregation was fine. I know some folks there. One person was a friend of someone in my old church and made a special point of welcoming me. That was really nice. But mostly I felt like a passer-through. They don’t really know me. I know more about them than I know them personally.
The one thing about was that right in the middle of my sermon, as I looked across the room and saw a friendly face of someone I know, I realized I do love being a minister and being in worship. It made me wish I had a better sermon for that day. I didn’t want to bring out a file sermon. I felt like they deserved something that was new and just for them; not something I’d written for a particular people at a particular time that just got a little work over.
But it’s complicated. There aren’t many options here in this area. And I’ve got this health issue that keeps me putting everything else on hold. I don’t feel right about trying to find a job and get established in it knowing that at some point really soon I’ll be taking a big chunk of time off- like 6 -12 weeks. It seems dishonest to present myself for a position that I know I won’t be able to give my best to until after I’ve recovered. And I know this because I had to do it once before; only that time I went to the new job about 6 weeks after my medical leave ended.
Then there’s reality, and that is that we can’t pay our household bills, let alone medical bills on top of that unless I have a real job that pays a professional wage. And I face the dilemma that most moms face which is needing to have a job that will pay my bills including the fees for childcare while I work. Only a “real” job will do that. An hourly or part-time job in this area will not cover the bases.
BUT, last fall when my world was falling apart, the peaceful sense I gained from prayer was that my job at this time is to care for my health and God will provide the right job at the right time. I’m sticking to that. Well, at least I’m reminding myself of that and reminding myself that God has been faithful to me before by providing just what we needed when we needed it.
Femystic's Musings 